my life through my tinted glasses
Monday, January 23, 2006
:: back to reality... ::
Yes, i am back in singapore... not exactly excited, but good to be back to my usual lifestyle.. Will update the blog with pictures when i am less blue.. guess it is the post holiday syndrome... the dun wan to go back to work feeling is back.. though i am refreshed.. definately.. but.. something is pulling the excitment index down.. probably it is PMS..
Been feeling blue eversince i step on the plane last night.. need to blog it out, or else i will stay blue.. i guess because i am leaving taiwan, without dear with me.. well.. i knew that will happen at the end of the trip.. just that, probably i did not expect it to be that soon.. 8 days.. and *poof* it is gone... i enjoyed my trip tremedously.. (pardon me for the lack of vocab).. with dear's company and protection.. feel safe when i am with him.. and know that i am taken care of all the time.. i started to be dependent on him.. unlike the strong i-can-do-what-i-want me... and this probably caused the drop in excitment index, grew on the blue index...
when in taiwan.. i depended on dear all the time.. though i understand mandrain as well as dear, if not better, and i am quite confident that i will get things around if i want to.. but.. i just refused to.. i guess.. if ever going on the next trip.. i should be more independent... and decisive.. okie.. y am i blue when i had such a good holiday.. well.. firstly.. guess because dear is not with me when i am back to singapore... back to the strong, masculine, get-things-done me... which is not the real me... we have to lead separate lives.. though we miss each other.. gotta be strong and pass the 2 years.. though we are left with 17 months to go... the time is pretty long i guess... he will be back in May.. that is 4 months later.. then.. *poof* again.. he will be gone.. by then.. even if i wan to visit him again in 0ct.. may not be possible.. dunno if the $$ allows me to go.. whether i have leave to clear.. haiz.. that is probably yhe second reason y i am i blue...
felt so silly sobbing on the plane back to singapore.. feel even worse when i recall the glimpse of tears in dear's eyes as he pushed me towards the departure gate... HEY.. i am suppose to be refreshed! i am.. but alone.. but i told myself.. as per the conditions last time.. i should onli be sad till around now.. i should not be sad.. till i see dear again...
4.5 more months to go.. 17 months till the end of all torture.. as the saying goes.. "shuo chang bu chang, shuo duan bu duan..."
probably the onli solution is to communicate more often.. the month before i flew over to taiwan.. we seldom talk to each other.. probably because we are both busy with our own work.. me with Dec event, him with his D&D... we did not talk as often, which we promise each other to.. i work late.. and by the time i got home.. he is about to slp.. he start work early, end early, i start work late, end late.. that caused a huge communication barrier... haiz.. i think have to be strong again.. this always happens.. either he flying.. or i flying.. think this is normal.. if one day.. he fly off to taiwan.. and i am not affected at all.. that is a problem.. both ways.. i guess.. if he doesnt feel anything.. something is wrong...
well.. it is 7pm, and yet it is still so bright.. imagining the look at taiwan will be around 8pm dark.. it look like 5.30pm at taiwan now.. haiz... have to thank dear for all the preparation and effort put in to make this trip work.. sensing that he put his work aside.. just to go this trip with me.. very thankful.. and i thank him every day silently.. because i do not know how to thank him face-to-face... well dear.. this blog is dedicated to u...
Yes, i am back in singapore... not exactly excited, but good to be back to my usual lifestyle.. Will update the blog with pictures when i am less blue.. guess it is the post holiday syndrome... the dun wan to go back to work feeling is back.. though i am refreshed.. definately.. but.. something is pulling the excitment index down.. probably it is PMS..
Been feeling blue eversince i step on the plane last night.. need to blog it out, or else i will stay blue.. i guess because i am leaving taiwan, without dear with me.. well.. i knew that will happen at the end of the trip.. just that, probably i did not expect it to be that soon.. 8 days.. and *poof* it is gone... i enjoyed my trip tremedously.. (pardon me for the lack of vocab).. with dear's company and protection.. feel safe when i am with him.. and know that i am taken care of all the time.. i started to be dependent on him.. unlike the strong i-can-do-what-i-want me... and this probably caused the drop in excitment index, grew on the blue index...
when in taiwan.. i depended on dear all the time.. though i understand mandrain as well as dear, if not better, and i am quite confident that i will get things around if i want to.. but.. i just refused to.. i guess.. if ever going on the next trip.. i should be more independent... and decisive.. okie.. y am i blue when i had such a good holiday.. well.. firstly.. guess because dear is not with me when i am back to singapore... back to the strong, masculine, get-things-done me... which is not the real me... we have to lead separate lives.. though we miss each other.. gotta be strong and pass the 2 years.. though we are left with 17 months to go... the time is pretty long i guess... he will be back in May.. that is 4 months later.. then.. *poof* again.. he will be gone.. by then.. even if i wan to visit him again in 0ct.. may not be possible.. dunno if the $$ allows me to go.. whether i have leave to clear.. haiz.. that is probably yhe second reason y i am i blue...
felt so silly sobbing on the plane back to singapore.. feel even worse when i recall the glimpse of tears in dear's eyes as he pushed me towards the departure gate... HEY.. i am suppose to be refreshed! i am.. but alone.. but i told myself.. as per the conditions last time.. i should onli be sad till around now.. i should not be sad.. till i see dear again...
4.5 more months to go.. 17 months till the end of all torture.. as the saying goes.. "shuo chang bu chang, shuo duan bu duan..."
probably the onli solution is to communicate more often.. the month before i flew over to taiwan.. we seldom talk to each other.. probably because we are both busy with our own work.. me with Dec event, him with his D&D... we did not talk as often, which we promise each other to.. i work late.. and by the time i got home.. he is about to slp.. he start work early, end early, i start work late, end late.. that caused a huge communication barrier... haiz.. i think have to be strong again.. this always happens.. either he flying.. or i flying.. think this is normal.. if one day.. he fly off to taiwan.. and i am not affected at all.. that is a problem.. both ways.. i guess.. if he doesnt feel anything.. something is wrong...
well.. it is 7pm, and yet it is still so bright.. imagining the look at taiwan will be around 8pm dark.. it look like 5.30pm at taiwan now.. haiz... have to thank dear for all the preparation and effort put in to make this trip work.. sensing that he put his work aside.. just to go this trip with me.. very thankful.. and i thank him every day silently.. because i do not know how to thank him face-to-face... well dear.. this blog is dedicated to u...
THANK YOU...
