my life through my tinted glasses
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
  :: After epBUS launch ::

after 1 week of rigourous preparation.. the bus was launched today. quite good coverage over CNA.. not bad.. quite good.. Mr Wong is happy, EPSON happy.. Schools happy.. everyone happy.. that helps us to ease over the late nites we had.. the rough edges we went thru..

Mas grew a lot.. she can handle the stress already.. think she is better then me.. dun think i can handle that amount of stress.. haha.. just helped her to see that all her blind spots are being covered.. (reminds me of Neji.. haha) .. the launch is the best we had.. she surpass me le.. haha.. good.. trained well.. she can start training the rest le.. = )

the team did trip over here and there.. haiz.. but it a lesson to be learnt ba.. take it as a hands-on training session...

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being stressed recently.. keeping mum about wad it is regarding.. everything will be over by saturday...

just realised i think i changed back to my old self.. after being changed by dear for 3 years. with dear around.. i was encouraged to share my feelings.. to share my tots.. to train myself to express my feelings.. and such..

now that he's no long with me most of the time.. i reverted back to my old self.. keeping things in me.. is that good or bad.. was pretty upset on tuesday over something in office.. took things too personally.. told myself off repeatedly.. not to take things too personally.. and grow with it...

probably because i show too much emotions.. i am too "transparent".. cant cover downcasted days.. cant hide feelings.. double edged sword.. in a way.. being too "transparent" but sincere.. hate feeling fake.. hypocritical..

haiz.. better turn in early today.. then rest well to start all my normal activity tml.. while others still in their lagging zone.. i have to recover fast and start working.. though i am still in my lagging zone.. got a feeling.. i will only recover next monday.. tml badminton in the afternoon.. friday morning taking off.. half-way here, half way there.. so weird..

hope everything goes well these few days.. and nothing major happens during my screen-saver period..

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as you stay longer in an organisation.. the higher expectations expected out of u... the faster you have to recover, the less mistakes you can make.. less tolerance ...

that fact alone is so scary... so stressful.. and that probably explains y i have so many hats since i am the longest "surviving" volunteer turn full-time staff... but that goes to say that if any thing happen.. i kena the hardest.. being on the " i-should-have-known" thing..

so my tagline being.. no one remembers the 99 good things you do.. they only remember the 1 thing you did wrong..

to cautiously.. remind me that.. i have to be on my toes.. everyday.. to ensure that all things go right...

probably need classes on how to work smart.. instead of hard... hmm...  11:11 PM
Sunday, August 21, 2005
 
Fireworks at Marina.. our gang.. mas, me, fidah, vicky.. aza taking the photo


Before the fireworks.. self-taken.. nice shot eh? haha.. vicky's hand is long enough.. haha  11:30 PM
  :: What am i busy with? ::

Some how time flies... its going to be the end of the month soon...

how come i know? because i am broke already.. and looking forward to the next pay check..

but i some how not looking forward to it because i have to do all the processing AGAIN.. hai.. annual leave updates, medical updates.. payroll calculations and watever...

haiz.. i am such a contradicting ger.. crap..

just when i tot after NDP, the days will resume to my regular hours.. i am wrong.. first thing, going to do the year-end project.. and second thing, another launch happening on wednesday.. and.. yeah.. busy busy...

glad to be busy.. but not too busy.. as i mentioned to dear.. i am doubling-up for so many post..

1) admin
2) HR
3) projects
4) Accounts
5) Procurement
6) Boss's PA
7) receptionist

basically.. Admin and HR is enough to keep me occupied. i welcome projects.. that is my passion.. but i m sick of doing PA and receptionist.. not that i am so high-up that i cant do recep jobs.. but i find that draining.. its draining all my time... things like mailing stuff... answering phone calls.. its like.. if i dun do.. no one will.. now i think i have to handle procurement of logistics as well.. and with this load.. i cant finish my work.. and i kept having the feeling that i left something urgent undone when i left the office.. but just cant put a finger to it..

asked myself.. asked dear.. is it due to my inefficiency that i cant finish my work.. or it is just beyond me? have i reached my limits?.. that is all that i can do? should i challenge myself.. to finish all things.. without mistakes and on time..? that is tough.. but i believe it is the spirit i wan to have.. a fighting spirit.. nver to give up easily..

i used to thing how weak i am.. when dear is not around.. i start to be lost... dunno wad to do.. things cant carry.. but now i think and feel that i am stronger.. i can hold stress better.. i can carry heavy stuff better.. i can depend on my own.. i have better chances of survival i think...

had this thinking when i carry a real heavy bag (with laptop and clothes to stay over at chalet) to work and everywhere i go.. last time, got dear to help me carry.. now i have to carry it on my own.. and i can do it.. well.. i think.. have to give all things a try.. to know how far you can go..

think i learn such stuff from watching naruto.. okie. its not an excuse.. i always learnt stuff from watching tv and anime.. he is a strong guy.. not in skills.. but in spirit.. never to give up.. and to fight hard to keep what he wants.. also see courage.. i lack in courage.. definately.. i can imagine if there's a snatch thief to run pass me.. what will i do? i can imagine myself.. staring at the thief.. and look like the rest of the singaporeans.. stunned.. but that is not what i wan.. i wan to be shouting for help too.. or at least.. help the poor person who has their things snatched.. haiz..

so so.. i do learnt stuff from watching anime.. they do pass some values over.. to protect their village.. seems to be the same as protecting singapore.. but when war comes.. who cares? i wonder.. to think that dear is from civil service.. probably i should be more pro-singapore a little.. afterall.. its a place i grew up in.. a place i call home..

okie.. think that is enough of crapping..

i start to feel that i am keep a lot of things within me.. dunno who to speak too.. dunno how to express.. a lot of things bottled up in me.. i start to keep things within me.. even when in the past.. things that i will share.. feelings that i will share.. i start to keep within me.. hmm.. i dunno y.. is this part of growing up? and that is y u need a partner? and the partner is more important then family? i dunno...  10:58 PM
a life of a NTU girl.. bored with life

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