my life through my tinted glasses
Friday, September 03, 2004
  Oh well.. reflected...

I was having group discussion with my friends.. when i have a moment to reflect..

1. I was having fun with them.. joking.. laughing.. to be honest.. i was enjoying myself

2. I finally understood y i was so angry with them. I did not have a good impression of them when they joked n laugh during my chalet, and did not bother to come help me clean up the place.. that time i was wondering to myself.. "hello... its my birthday.. and i m cleaning up.. ALONE? Not as it i was the onli one who BBQed" oh well... that was the time when i locked myself in the toilet and cried in self-pity while the rest out there merried..

3. I realised that sad memories was embedded deep into my memory.. even into my sub-concious.. probably the recent event re-enforced it..

4. I also realised that they are good friends, but probably not good group mates.. or project mates? or are they good friends in the first place.. good friends do not leave other friends alone and do not help to clean up.. hmm.. am i too petty? probably very disappointed..

I was worried that my other friends who read my blog, and realised that i m actually such a nasty person.. one that does not forgive.. one that is so petty.. a hypocritical human being.. sighz..

does that mean that i have to stop blogging??

Nevertheless...

I went for a jog today.. thinks it helps to straigthen things out.. at the same time.. lose the fats.. however, i only jogged for 20 mins today.. should jog for 30 mins non stop though.. will gain stamina.. need someone to remind me that i m suppose to jog!
  8:22 PM
  A nice story from Jo Tang

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it,while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my loadbecause this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back toyour house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts, the pot said.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them.For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decoratethe table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Moral:

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots.But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person forwhat they are, and look for the good in them. Blessed are the flexible,for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all thedifferent people in your life.

I am not without flaws.. = (
  11:41 AM
  I m confused... Do i have to be hypocritical??

I am sick of being hypocritical... i used to write in autographs that i hated hypocritical pple. and now, i think i m being hypocritical.. sighz..

it din occur to me that i was being the big H. However, one of my friensd pointed it out to me..

I said: "eee.. that guy is coming... i dun like him"

as the guy walked pass.. i waved..

my friend: "ee.. you are so hypocritical.."

sighz.. true.. true.. y be hypocritical?

however, i think that sometimes it is good being hypocritical.. not that it should b used as a backstabbing tool.. but it is good to maintain friendships or relationships.. sometimes u just remain at acqutainaces.. and not friendship.. i dunno.. is that the correct way?

I just dun wan to know some pple better, after how they treated me.. i know it is bad since we have been friends for some years.. however, wad hurts me most is precisely that.. we HAVE been friends for SOME years.. does that mean i should b taken for granted? that i SHOULD understand that?

Then y force me to be merry with them? I know i will be happy.. mingling with them.. making jokes.. singing merrily.. however, will i b happy deep down inside? i will just hate myself for being hypocritical!

come to think of it.. probably i have done that to other pple too.. i should reflect..

sighz... oh well.. probably if they felt guilty for treated us like that.. they probably can exhibit ways that they can make up.. but.. are they apologetic? NO.. do they wan to make up? NO.. that is wad i feel.. sighz.. sighz.. this is bad.. i m worried that internally i will pai2 chi4 them till i dislike them.. and ultimately hate them..

BUT...

my friends encouraged me to be forgiving.. forgive and forget.. to be gracious.. sigh.. must i sacrifice my emotions just to be gracious? i mean.. i will just be hypocritical again if i ACTED gracious.. becos internally i had not passed the barrier to embrace them.. and say.. oh my good friend.

Oh well girls..

i will try to be gracious and forgive them. and reflect if i had done the same things to them before.. however, dun push me too hard.. i will resent them even more..

sighz.. must things come to this end?


  11:21 AM
Thursday, September 02, 2004
  I think i m getting sick.. hmmm..

oh well, went to an office that is filled with coughing germs. wow.. i used to be able to stand it when someone coughs terribly in front of me.. as in.. i will not imagine how the germs will get on to me... and how i will get sick too...

but this time wrong.. i was quite concerned when my colleagueS (yes, with the S) are coughing quite badly.. my immediate concern was that.. we are all in the same aircon room.. does that mean that i will get sick soon? and i dun wan to get sick! wow.. actually this is one of the rare times that i actually dun wan to get sick.. becos i used to think that sick can have excuse to rest more.. however, i realised that.. a small cough will not get you any rest.. instead, it will give you more trouble.. and irritating-ness becos you are unable to do your things with ease.. hmmm..

oh well.. i can feel that my body is tired.. my eyes are burning rite now.. when i close my eyes for a while.. as my nick says.. having a headache.. though not real bad ones for today.. but can always feel the senstitive-ness of my head when the headache is coming thru.. but luckily for me, the headache is not as bad as before.. so.. dun worry yeh.. hahaz..

my eyelid is threatening to fall.. as i struggle to keep my eyes open, i can feel some tension at my head.. wooo... wad to do? sighz... have A LOT of things to read.. so far behind readings that i am so worried for my sch work.. but wad can i do.. other than worry.. sighz..

but i m on a lighter mood as i know that the weekend is coming.. though i am occupied in the afternoon.. the fact that i will see dear in the late afternoon cheers me up.

okie.. better go back to my reading before i slp in front of my computer.. sighz..

  1:11 AM
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
  its a tuesdae...

wow.. today's a packed day.. oh well. main focus being that PPT treated us to dinner!

THANK YOU PPT!

wow.. i was trully happy.. not that i wan to be treated.. but its a time when we can sit down and talk!

had a wonderful time just sitting ard and chatting, talking about pple.. talking abt HRC.. gossiping.. haha

oh yah.. we thinking of doing a HRC sweater.. or HRC t-shirt.. any one game?

after that we went mac to discuss our LTD project. oh well.. i think i cant express myself well.. i am so angry and fustrated with myself.. somehow i cant understand.. and my group mates cant understand me.. think i must be feeling slpy after the heavy dinner.. but i got over it.. have to brush up my command of english!

okie.. gotta start on my SM online meeting.. it is suppose to be at 10pm.. and i m pretty upset that it only started like now.. oh well.. i voiced it out already.. so i forsee better working relationship! yeh..

tata~


  11:55 PM
Monday, August 30, 2004
 
Its a Monday...
Haha... i read my friends blog.. haha.. every monday.. they never fails to talk abt Mother goose.. However, i think mother goose is too nice a name for her.. sounds so chi2 xiang2.. haha.. i confirm-guarantee-plus-chop! she's not so nice!
oh well...
I give you all break till 1020 okie.. but be punctual, or else i dun give you another 10 mins break later...~ *argh*
okie.. first for short cycle process, we have to read the first and last paragraph.. oh.. you all dunno wad's the last paragraph.. its the paragraph that starts with .....
wad's exhibit 1's title? how about 2? how do you skim the articles?? by reading the first few lines of each para~.. okie.. skim the article now...
ARGH... i cant stand her! y she treats us like Kindergarden kids??! i mean.. must she do that? PPT says we have to adapt.. but how come 50 over pple adapt 1 person's way of working.. cant she just grow up? argh..
i was so irritated today by her.. that i msg jo tang.. that she is an irritant.. jo tang says she is a mother goose.. and we are baby geese.. oh well.. we are baby geese that drinks skimmed milk.. and i will get diarrhoea by drinking that skimmed milk! argh.. skim skim skim..
then realised that rach is not in the pic.. i fwd the msg to rach.. and soon it reaches iris... and then to siew chin.. haha.. news travel far and fast!
oh well.. had SM discussion.. then went to lunch with Rach and Jo tang.. the girls are so sweet! becos i was having a little stomach upset.. so i was unsure wad i wanted to eat.. then Jo tang got me a class of ... er.. orange apple juice? she says fibre maybe can help to sooth the stomach.. err.. dunno how proven it is.. but.. they are still so sweet..! thanks girls!
i think i irritated Jo tang today.. we are laughin so much today.. never listen to SM lecture.. oops.. but.. that brightens up my day! It also brightens up my day when i see PPT smile today.. = ) and a positive blog! Ivy's also positive! Fri's coming! so.. today is a bright afternoon.. ( i shall not comment on the morning)
But.. dear was not feeling well..and got an MC.. initially i was worried that he has fever.. but.. he says he has stomach upset.. and when i called him when i m home.. he sounded fine.. so that eases my fear.. but well.. all friends ard me are fine! dear is fine too.. so.. its a happy day!
  8:54 PM
a life of a NTU girl.. bored with life

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