my life through my tinted glasses
Friday, August 06, 2004
  When can i stop feeling lost?

Sigh.. its into the 2 week of sch, and i m still feelin lost. this cant be the way. i cant continue with that lifestyle... but.. i just can help feeling lost.

y m i lost? i have to ask myself that question so that i can find myself again. lost becos there are so many things to do. and i mean A LOT. with FYP, and heartware, things are bad. now that there are some sch stuff, family, dear and friends... oh dear, i only have 24 hours per day. how can i split it to all... sighz.. come on. forces up there, show me the way...

all i can feel i a tight knot in my heart. i know once it is untied, everything will go smoothly. probably i will drop by guan yin temple on saturday ba. hope it helps to give some peace in me...

sigh.. dunno wad's wrong with dear too. probably because i said too many things that hurt him and his pride. sigh.. felt guilty to spoil his whole nite. sighz.. i should have been more tactful. but... sighz.. he does not wan to meet up, he does not wan to see me.. sighz.. and i have only weekends to meet up with him. think i will risk not meeting on saturday to meet up with him ba. well, sometimes friends always say pple with bfs are selfish, and becomes less warm with them.. i have to clarify.. well.. it is not easy to balance. i wish to be good in both.. but time, resources, dun allow. well.. i will be most glad if all my friends understand, and encourage me too. dear has encouraged me to look for all my long lost friends... but friends do not encourage me to go look for my bf.. sighz. it takes 2 hands to clap... i feel so sad now.. oh well.. probably he doesnt treasure our weekends.. but i treasure my weekend most. becos thru the whole week, all the hardship and challenges i face, i hope to release it on weekends.

argghh.. life .. life..i have to be strong.. strong.. positive... i live my these words almost everyday. train myself to think in the positive manner... becos by being negative, i will only influence pple ard me to be sad.. but it is tough being positive when things are not looking up. by my strength alone, i cant always be positive. that is y i m most negative with dear... he's the only one who sees my weak side.. not even my parents. becos i dun wan to let them worry.. so well.. being strong alone.. with friends encouragement of course.. is not easy.. i will try.. hard enough to answer for myself...

wow.. its 2 am already.. my head starts to hurt.. i dunno wad i m doing.. I NEED TO BE ORGANISED!! oh well.. who can help me to be organised? or probably i m.. but i cant feel it..

okie la.. should not waste my time any longer.. have to start to ORGANISE myself...

sighz~~
  1:49 AM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
  Y?? Do i have to answer for everything??

Oh well.. i hate it! hate wad? i dunno.. to be responsible?

sigh.. i had been bz the whole day. from researching for articles.. working on heartware stuff.. i had been staring into my computer for the WHOLE Day.. even dear got half day off, i cant go out with him.. cant talk to him too.. sighz..

then boss came over to stress me a little.. readings scare me a little.. then FYP scare me a little.. then.. my bro came with with a maths prob. everyone bz with their own stuff.. my bro with his econs essay.. my dad with his interview tml.. then everyone thinks that i m the most available person in the world. wow~

sighz.. sometimes i feel so unfair.. i have to carry the burden of of the family finances before i m an adult.. y m i the eldest to carry this heavy load.. y? y? y?

then at heartware.. boss give me a lot of things to do.. and i mean A LOT.. wah.. i cant swallow.. its too big a pie.. i have to chew slowly.. before i can swallow.. oh well.. wateva.

need to get down and start some serious stuff.. sighz.. dun think i can catch any slp tonite.. sighz..

  11:54 PM
  Its a new week!!

Its a new week.. and things are getting a little scary.. hahaz.. with cheryl tay giving us homework like primary school students.. and with LTD asking for 5 companies for project.. along with FYP... i m wondering if i can ever cope this semester.. and looking fwd to the next semester.. where FYP is over, and with, hopefully.. 2 subjects left.. then i can go take my driving lessons.. and then probably start work..

things was in a mess last week.. and i m still trying to clear the mess this week. With most things ironed out.. i hope i can advance with my schedule.. completing all the outstandings.. well.. well... i hope..

this sem.. project group.. a little messy too.. i wanted to go round working with other pple.. but another part of me is a little reluctant to step out of the comfort zone.. but.. surprisingly.. a lot of pple are looking in forming groups with other pple in the class.. out of their comfort zone.. gosh.. i m surprised.. probably they realised how short is 1 year.. and that is left for all of us!! so must treasure the coming year.. hahaz..

oh well.. talking abt advancing.. i ought to be true to my words.. and get out of blogging and start working! okie okie.. i shall.. i shall.. tata~
  1:06 PM
a life of a NTU girl.. bored with life

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