my life through my tinted glasses
Friday, July 30, 2004
this is at a quarry.. look at the beautiful scenery behind it.. u will have more pictures later.. but arent we cool?? hahaz
at the hut.. we take picture again.. haha.. look at that stupid tall burger king.. or rather.. muthu.. hahaz..
wow.. think there's a mistake in terms of order here.. we at at Pulau Ubin.. if i m not wrong.. this is mamam
Having a headache which doesnt seem to go away!
Hmm.. woah.. i m having this big headache since 10am this morn.. till now... no wonder i was feeling so weird the whole day.. no energy to do wateva stuff.. i realise y.. its all because of this stupid headache....
i wonder if its a headache or it is a migraine.. think migraine though.. because i felt nauseous when in class.. sighz.. just could not keep my eyes open..
today's seminar is horrible.. the tutor wished to conduct his course as if we are not gg through outher modules.. or having our ARP.. he wants to kill us.. and i wonder what does he benefits from this?
sighz.. then went to buy books with eve, fanni, cheok, dawn and ivy... haha.. its was a short but fun trip.. oh well.. at least for me.. a break from normal routine.. just hope that eve din think i ask her to buy books becos she drives.. but.. just ask her lor.. then she shun bian drives.. that is different.. hahaz..
wah.. came home.. was so tired and hungry that i flared at Dear again.. sighz.. i feel so bad.. he's so tired.. and i asked him to come over because he suggested to meet.. and he doesnt wan to pang se me again.. and wanted to force himself to come over.. well.. wad's the point rite? i m tired too.. and if 2 tired pple come together.. dun think any thing fun will happen rite??
woah.. i m getting very sensitive to light nw.. getting very irritated with the brightness of my table lamp, when i m not irritated at all at first.. uh oh.. migraine..
sighz..i m so caught up with work, school... that i think i m neglecting family, dear and friends.. sighz.. how how? how can i cope this sem.. i have a bad feeling.. not a good start into year 3...
Hmm.. woah.. i m having this big headache since 10am this morn.. till now... no wonder i was feeling so weird the whole day.. no energy to do wateva stuff.. i realise y.. its all because of this stupid headache....
i wonder if its a headache or it is a migraine.. think migraine though.. because i felt nauseous when in class.. sighz.. just could not keep my eyes open..
today's seminar is horrible.. the tutor wished to conduct his course as if we are not gg through outher modules.. or having our ARP.. he wants to kill us.. and i wonder what does he benefits from this?
sighz.. then went to buy books with eve, fanni, cheok, dawn and ivy... haha.. its was a short but fun trip.. oh well.. at least for me.. a break from normal routine.. just hope that eve din think i ask her to buy books becos she drives.. but.. just ask her lor.. then she shun bian drives.. that is different.. hahaz..
wah.. came home.. was so tired and hungry that i flared at Dear again.. sighz.. i feel so bad.. he's so tired.. and i asked him to come over because he suggested to meet.. and he doesnt wan to pang se me again.. and wanted to force himself to come over.. well.. wad's the point rite? i m tired too.. and if 2 tired pple come together.. dun think any thing fun will happen rite??
woah.. i m getting very sensitive to light nw.. getting very irritated with the brightness of my table lamp, when i m not irritated at all at first.. uh oh.. migraine..
sighz..i m so caught up with work, school... that i think i m neglecting family, dear and friends.. sighz.. how how? how can i cope this sem.. i have a bad feeling.. not a good start into year 3...
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I cant help feeling LOST!!
Sigh.. i dunno y, but i feel kinda lost this semester, and for now, i m quite certain that i m not enjoying myself in sch as i used to...
I felt that i m venturing out to others in my class this sem, well, on the pure note that i wanted to know the others in my class more. However, i find this very difficult for me. I know individuals of each clique, and to mix with them, i would have to mix with the whole clique. Well, it is actually fine for me as i get to know others in the class.. but.. its tough to know pple again.. its tough venturing out of my comfort zone, and start socialising again... and also not to mix with my initial clique.. well.. life is so confusing...
i think another thing that is worrying me is that my finances are not as stable as i expected again.. sighz.. i had not been receiving allowances as i used to.. of course, i cannot assume that i will be receiving any.. but if there's not, i have to seriously think of alternative solution. Mum's salary cant take it any longer, i cant afford things for myself.. saving like mad.. even little things like having lunch.. i have to think twice.. sometimes, i admit i do self-pity.. but i cant wallow in it rite?? sighz.. have to think of alternative solution.. but.. how?? i can sense daddy's difficulty now.. he cant take it any longer, and he's not getting any job for the past year.. well.. dear do offer to pay some of my expenses.. i cant accept it too..
taking abt it.. dunno wad's wrong with dear.. sighz.. was quite turned off when he took me for a spare tire.. when there's nothing to do.. ask if i can meet up tonite.. den suddenly have programs, so happy.. no sianz anymore.. and said that he will call me tonite when he's HOME... that hints to me that he's not meeting me tonite.. well.. you can tell me that you cant meet me because u have some events on.. but not thru things like.. "call me when i m home"... as if you have forgotten that you actually asked me out... not sure if i m too sensitive or wad.. but.. i sounded like past tense.. like a spare tire.. to entertain him when he's bored.. i cant make any sense from wad i m saying...
well... my life is in a little mess rite now.. seriously feel like disappearing from the world for 2 days.. or even forever.. hahaz.. prob no one will notice... well.. that sounds like depression.. anyone defines depression??
arghh... feel so lonely when comes to these problems.. like no one to shoulder from me.. being the eldest.. who else can shoulder from me?? sometimes i do envy friends whose parents are financially stable.. and wad they earn are for themselves.. and they do not need to worry for the family.. and there's enough to go ard.. sighz.. sometimes i feel i lost part of my youth worrying for things i will worry next few years of my life.. sometimes also face peer pressure.. when they can afford things that i cant really afford.. causing me to feel quite left out at times.. sometimes it is not that i dun wan to join them for activities or dinner.. but the amount i spend on dinner with them.. i can actually spend for several meals at home.. so.. sometimes.. to counter that problem.. i just take bread before the gathering.. and have something light during the gathering.. and go home for dinner.. hahaz.. in that way.. i can get the best of both worlds.. but well.. some friends cant understand that.. or rather.. sometimes, i dun wan to explain..
okie.. wallowing in self-pity again.. sometimes i come home.. sees my dad at home.. i feel kinda sad.. tot that fathers should be working in the afternoon.. and not suppose to be at home.. but.. then again.. on the positive tone.. i get to see my dad more often these few days.. get to talk to him.. be closer to him.. and start to treasure him more, as he steps a little more into my life.. know he's trying.. very hard indeed.. all are trying.. no one is in the wrong... just wrong timing.. bad economy.. bad age..
oops.. got to get out of it.. talking lots of crap these few days.. sighz.. think dear's still angry with me.. of which i dunno y... sighz...
Sigh.. i dunno y, but i feel kinda lost this semester, and for now, i m quite certain that i m not enjoying myself in sch as i used to...
I felt that i m venturing out to others in my class this sem, well, on the pure note that i wanted to know the others in my class more. However, i find this very difficult for me. I know individuals of each clique, and to mix with them, i would have to mix with the whole clique. Well, it is actually fine for me as i get to know others in the class.. but.. its tough to know pple again.. its tough venturing out of my comfort zone, and start socialising again... and also not to mix with my initial clique.. well.. life is so confusing...
i think another thing that is worrying me is that my finances are not as stable as i expected again.. sighz.. i had not been receiving allowances as i used to.. of course, i cannot assume that i will be receiving any.. but if there's not, i have to seriously think of alternative solution. Mum's salary cant take it any longer, i cant afford things for myself.. saving like mad.. even little things like having lunch.. i have to think twice.. sometimes, i admit i do self-pity.. but i cant wallow in it rite?? sighz.. have to think of alternative solution.. but.. how?? i can sense daddy's difficulty now.. he cant take it any longer, and he's not getting any job for the past year.. well.. dear do offer to pay some of my expenses.. i cant accept it too..
taking abt it.. dunno wad's wrong with dear.. sighz.. was quite turned off when he took me for a spare tire.. when there's nothing to do.. ask if i can meet up tonite.. den suddenly have programs, so happy.. no sianz anymore.. and said that he will call me tonite when he's HOME... that hints to me that he's not meeting me tonite.. well.. you can tell me that you cant meet me because u have some events on.. but not thru things like.. "call me when i m home"... as if you have forgotten that you actually asked me out... not sure if i m too sensitive or wad.. but.. i sounded like past tense.. like a spare tire.. to entertain him when he's bored.. i cant make any sense from wad i m saying...
well... my life is in a little mess rite now.. seriously feel like disappearing from the world for 2 days.. or even forever.. hahaz.. prob no one will notice... well.. that sounds like depression.. anyone defines depression??
arghh... feel so lonely when comes to these problems.. like no one to shoulder from me.. being the eldest.. who else can shoulder from me?? sometimes i do envy friends whose parents are financially stable.. and wad they earn are for themselves.. and they do not need to worry for the family.. and there's enough to go ard.. sighz.. sometimes i feel i lost part of my youth worrying for things i will worry next few years of my life.. sometimes also face peer pressure.. when they can afford things that i cant really afford.. causing me to feel quite left out at times.. sometimes it is not that i dun wan to join them for activities or dinner.. but the amount i spend on dinner with them.. i can actually spend for several meals at home.. so.. sometimes.. to counter that problem.. i just take bread before the gathering.. and have something light during the gathering.. and go home for dinner.. hahaz.. in that way.. i can get the best of both worlds.. but well.. some friends cant understand that.. or rather.. sometimes, i dun wan to explain..
okie.. wallowing in self-pity again.. sometimes i come home.. sees my dad at home.. i feel kinda sad.. tot that fathers should be working in the afternoon.. and not suppose to be at home.. but.. then again.. on the positive tone.. i get to see my dad more often these few days.. get to talk to him.. be closer to him.. and start to treasure him more, as he steps a little more into my life.. know he's trying.. very hard indeed.. all are trying.. no one is in the wrong... just wrong timing.. bad economy.. bad age..
oops.. got to get out of it.. talking lots of crap these few days.. sighz.. think dear's still angry with me.. of which i dunno y... sighz...
Monday, July 26, 2004
First day at sch!!
today's my first day at sch.. well, its not all encouraging...
my first lesson was at 830am in the morn. oh well, i dragged myself to sch.. to find myself greeted by Ms "clown" haha.. oh well, its a nickname i gave my lecturer last semester. simply because she dressed in jackets that looked like a clown's costume.. wahaha.. nvm.
i cant help, but feel like a secondary school student in her class. I felt so controlled, so manipulated, with no liberty. wad the... we are suppose to be university students!! she forced us to sit with different pple in class for each lesson, she also forced us to contribute in class. She should not be a professor at all! with such professors in place, how can NTU have more creativity? no inspiration when all things are forced. It makes learning dry and mundane. sighz.. i dont feel a good semester coming...
well, then its another lesson, equally damning.. that lecturer actually threatened to leave the LT if we do not keep quiet! wad the **** !! i mean, well, we are all grown up, we did not know you are trying to start your lesson. let us know, and we will shut up!. cant stand the way they treat us. they ought to do some soul-searching, and see if they are align with the school's mission...
well well, lets not get upset with the old pple in the university...
sighz.. mood not there.. i have no mood for any lesson.. i dunno y.. with ARP or FYP, i think things look a little bleak. Like, i m suppose to look for materials for my ARP, but, i have no mood for it. how i wish i can get over and done with it. and i m at the begining of the race. i have another 8 months to go. sighz...
okie.. lets not get negative, and b positive.. though, but will try :)
today's my first day at sch.. well, its not all encouraging...
my first lesson was at 830am in the morn. oh well, i dragged myself to sch.. to find myself greeted by Ms "clown" haha.. oh well, its a nickname i gave my lecturer last semester. simply because she dressed in jackets that looked like a clown's costume.. wahaha.. nvm.
i cant help, but feel like a secondary school student in her class. I felt so controlled, so manipulated, with no liberty. wad the... we are suppose to be university students!! she forced us to sit with different pple in class for each lesson, she also forced us to contribute in class. She should not be a professor at all! with such professors in place, how can NTU have more creativity? no inspiration when all things are forced. It makes learning dry and mundane. sighz.. i dont feel a good semester coming...
well, then its another lesson, equally damning.. that lecturer actually threatened to leave the LT if we do not keep quiet! wad the **** !! i mean, well, we are all grown up, we did not know you are trying to start your lesson. let us know, and we will shut up!. cant stand the way they treat us. they ought to do some soul-searching, and see if they are align with the school's mission...
well well, lets not get upset with the old pple in the university...
sighz.. mood not there.. i have no mood for any lesson.. i dunno y.. with ARP or FYP, i think things look a little bleak. Like, i m suppose to look for materials for my ARP, but, i have no mood for it. how i wish i can get over and done with it. and i m at the begining of the race. i have another 8 months to go. sighz...
okie.. lets not get negative, and b positive.. though, but will try :)
