my life through my tinted glasses
:: Dear flew to Taiwan already :: today is the worst day for the year 2005 i think... haiz.. dear flew to taiwan already.. safely reached taiwan.. but i miss him so so much... **************************** friday.. was so impromtu.. work was like mad.. rushing from here to there.. and it was Dear last nite in singapore before he flies off to taiwan... so, MUST meet him one.. so agreed on midnite movie of war of the worlds... work was delayed.. left the office at 8pm.. rushed over to his place.. his parents bought half a chicken for me.. and dear went to buy pizza for me.. had a very filling dinner.. his parents bought durian for him too... but we are filled with durian for the whole month man.. because we had been having durian for the past few weeks... watching tv, fell aslp halfway.. dear went to meet his insurance agent.. his sis woke me up to share durian with his family.. but i was too tired, and went back to slp... when he learnt about this, he ticked his sister off, saying that i am tired, dun disturb me.. was so touched.. and know wad? he send flowers to my office on friday.. i was so busy with work, that i was irritated that there was someone at the door.. then, the person open the door.. nicole who was at the basin was stunned.. think she mentioned. "flowers" but i cant catch wad she said.. then the person asked for jo-something.. then jon went ahead.. then nicole said "cant be jon la.. Joanne! you have flowers!".. i was "HUH?" then i went to the door, and found a dozen of blue roses.. was sooo touched, that i almost teared.. my face went red because the whole office was teasing me.. haha... but i was holding back my tears.. it came as a very pleasant surprise.... back to friday.. we were so tired, but no choice.. bought the tickets liao.. so have to go and watch.. haha.. dear drove over to yishun and we got into the theatre just in time for the show.. the show was good! thrilling.. but no plot.. haiz... drove over back to his agent place, and we went for prata.. dear and his agent discussing somethings.. i was soo bored.. after a while we went back to his house to shower and try to get some slp. it was 4am then... i could not slp.. maybe because i showered, and was still alert.. so my mind started running wild. i started to imagine the departure hall scenario.. i imagine his room with out him.. imagine taking MRT alone, no one sending me back in future... imagine no one to report to after work.. no one to share my feelings with.. i was so sad.. i was crying... sobbing softly so that dear does not hear me.. was soo sad.. cried till i fell aslp... ************************************* the next day, which is today.. was hectic.. he rushed to pack his stuff, rush to burn his things into a disk.. rush to deal with his insurance and some banking stuff.. was so rushed.. that before i know it, we are already at the airport.. we were early, but was told that the hand luggage cant be heavier then 7kg.. dear's bag was 12kg.. so we were trying to pack everything such that it reduces the weight.. and we did ultimately.. then dear checked in... mummy and daddy and the rest came over already... and we all went for lunch. was quite late already.. rushing thru lunch at soup restaurant.. soup restaurant was good... then we went to meet YH and Vincent who will be sending dear off at T1.. there happens all the soap operas.. i kept holding back my tears.. and tried to smile and be strong.. definately so in front of his parents and mine.. took photos.. with the flowers he gave me... everything went fine... when he went in, i regretted not hugging him for one last time, kissing him for the last time before meeting him again... i was regretting so much that after we bid goodbye, and went off for lunch with vincent and yh, i began to cry.. hysterically.. i had to calm myself down, with yh's help.. feel so farni.. wai kwan was saying "time will pass quickly one.. dun worry.. its onli 2 years.. " yeah.. its only 2 years.. planning to meet in 4 months time.. 4 months = 16 weeks onli, and i will survive.. i have to tell myself that repeatively.. but din work today because i was so downcasted the whole day.. luckily i went for NDP parade, that sorta help me ease the pain.. but it was nostagic because, 5 years ago, i get to know dear at NDP at Padang too... i need support.. i have to go thru this.. i know i can, and so will dear.. i think all will be fine after i get to see him over the web cam or get to talk to him over the phone.. think things will not be that bad.. so ... all.. do encourage me okies? = S haha.. i may keep falling into the deep trench again and again.. so, sorry if i kept bugging you all to hear me out... ********************************** this is the saddest birthday i ever had in my life.. saddest.. really...
:: Dear is flying 38 hrs 20 mins later :: Cant believe it.. within 38 hours... bring about a tinge of heart wrenching.. loneliness.. missing him although he's still in singapore at this very moment... it had been so bad.. that i tink i have no mood to celebrate my birthday. i almost forget that my birthday is on this sun.. just yesterday.. i just recalled.. but.. i just have no mood to celebrate. not expecting any presents (unlike previous years, even from dear) dun feel like celebrating.. dun feel like going anyway.. just want to stay at home, hide in my shell...... i dunno y i am feeling this way... probably things will be better after dear fly over, settle down, get his lap top running, and start communication.. i can do it.. he went ophir for 4 days before.. its almost like a week.. so, can do it... had a hectic week, and time flies, new projects firing me up, and good timing, where i need things to occupy me, as much as possible.. so that i will forget dear.. we said that to each other just now... "we will try our best to 'forget' each other" haha... we know wad we mean... just now was so bz that i dun have the time to rest, drink water and go toilet.. (now still dehydrated) soooo bz.. and i 'forgot' dear momentarily.. but, after everything ends, while going home, my mind starts to wonder.. i was sooo tired.. that i wanted to go home and rest.. but the thought that i will not be able to see dear for at least 3 months... i think better go la.. let me have some planning done aloud... jul 05: dear fly taiwan nov 05: visit dear at taiwan mar 06: dear fly back to singapore jul 06: visit dear in taiwan nov 06: dear fly back to singapore mar 07: visit dear in taiwan jul 07: dear returns to singapore for good! okies.. so, its visit every 4 months to get things moving.. and judging that i need approx 1K for each trip, think i have to save 100 bucks every month to fly to taiwan to visit him every 8 months. okie la.. still sustainable. so now, i have to start with 200 bucks each month till my first trip over. hmm.. dear, subsidise leh.. half la.. haha... so, dear, schedule good with u? it will be my MOTIVATOR for the next 2 years, counting down 16 weeks every time... like that, time will seem to fly pass.. and make the missing-each-other feeling lesser okie.. got to shower and take a rest. had been slping late these few days.. cant take it.. dear, salangheyo.....
:: broke ... :: well.. i am officially broke now.. and its onli the starting of the month! = ( well.. i am squeezing myself very tight.. keeping on a tight budget and see how much i can save... well.. (realised i started with 3 "well"s) lots of things happened within these 2 weeks and i did not have the time to update on each event. Dear has been bugging me to update, and ta~ ta~ here i am, updating my blog.... where should i start? Hmmm........ ********************************* collected my convo gown on Monday, 27 jun.. and woah... i spent a great deal of money... haiz.. think 200 bucks and counting.. well.. keep telling myself that the money is well spent.. that it is once in a life time thing.. (unless i pursue my masters? haha ) but one thing i noticed from creative district (one of the photo studio) is that they are a confused bunch of pple. first their offer differs, quoting special prices here and there.. and end up they themselves confused.. noticed that they kept going back to their supervisor (and i think there's onli one boss around) shows that they have no confidence, and do not have the power to make any decision. reflects badly on the organisation. For example.. i called to book an appointment on Friday. i mentioned that i need to take the photo before the 9th of jul as my BF is flying on that day. the lady offered me an appointment on that sunday, which is less then 3 days notice (i din know that there was a need for a 3-days notice and a surcharge on a sunday). i gladly made an appointment. when i called up for a confirmation of the appointment, they then, mentioned to me all the notice periods and the surcharge.. i say.. okie.. then, any of the weekdays before the 9th of jul? she asked me to hold.. for more than 5 mins (luckily i changed my plan to free in-coming calls) so that she could ask her supervisor AGAIN. well.. then, she mentioned that the weekdays before the 9th will be the convo gown collection for the open university. i made some noise, mentioning that i was offered a date on 3rd jul and i cant afford an appt after the 9th.. then she made me go on hold again.. this time, ard 7 mins, and said that if i carried on with the 3rd jul appointment, i had to pay a surcharge of 15 bucks.. oh well.. i made noise again, because they did not say, anywhere, that i cant book appointment during that week... and she went on hold again.. and finally back with the waiver of the surcharge ... whew.. i have no idea how long i waited.... its super annoying to go on hold during a buffet.. (update later...) okies.. went for the photo shoot yesterday... paid for the make-up.. and yah.. maked-up.. haha.. the make up is okie.. just that i propose that u do ur eyebrow trimming before the appointment. i think i kena-ed a trainee.. and was using me as a "sample".. halfway.. the "shifu" came over.. she said to her "hui bu hui heng qi guai" (is it farni looking).. i freaked out! i wasnt wearing my glasses, and most of the time, she asked me to close my eyes and relaz... when i heard that.. i wanted to put on my glasses straight and looked at me closely... luckily the "shifu" said that it is okie.. i managed to relax alittle... nevertheless, i think she overdid my eye a little.. a little too much eye-liner (i think she put too much eye liner at my bottom eye which made me looked farni..).. and now my eyebrow a little thin la.. go to work a little farni sia.. haiz... well the photographer was humourous... he called dear "nan peng you" haha.. boyfriend in chinese.. and asked him if we are married. Pengs.. if married should call "lao gong" wad. duh... through the photoshoot, i realised i cant smile.. for heaven's sake.. haiz.. either my eyes too small or my smile not wide enough.. have the urge to tell the photographer that he can onli have one, either the smile or the eye.. argh.. hope the phot turns out well sia... haiz.. paid so much for it (managed to get dear to pay $50 haha) anyway gers.. do bring cash along with you just in case u need to top up the package.. over at creative district, any thing below 100 bucks and u want to use your nets.. there's a $5 bucks charge! woah... cheat money sia.... ********************************* so much for the photo shoot... now.. lets divert attention to.. errr.... chalet? chalet was overall relax.. we went to watch a late nite movie (initial D was fun sia! guys can look at the cars, gers can ogle at the "shuai ge"s.. haha good for both sexes..) then we took a long stroll back.. on the first nite.. then on the second day, went to pasir ris pack with the intention of roller blading.. my goodness.. pasir ris park is sooooo far away.. that my legs almost broke when i reach the bicycle kiosk and realised that there are no blades, onli bikes... well.. suck thumb lo.. take bike.. cycle for an hour or so.. dear went to visit his friends at PA sea sports club... and then went back.. argh.. couldnt take it.. took a bus back! haha.. well.. i had fun with the swing.. till that day, then i realised that dear dun dare to play the swing.. wahaha.. he is afraid of the height.. woops.. am i suppose to keep it under cover? hmm.. shhh.. dun spread ah... = P next, we went for a swim.. the weather was sooooo cold, that i was still shivering in water.. did my laps.. felt that it was a good exercise.. but the water taste soo salty.. dear says that it is urine water.. and we are swimming in urine.. arghks.. cant stand his crudeness (well..there may b truth in it.. hmmm...) after that, we went to have dinner... hang ard.. went back to the room.. watch 10pm channel u show.. had a late supper and konked off.. we were soooo tired... next day, wanted to go to wild wild wet.. but judging from the weather, i think we will be roasted chicken and pig at the end of the day. it was soooo hot.. scorcing hot! (dear just called and say that he's still at lau pat sat.. @ 1250am. and din bother about his GF.. blogging away at his request.. haiz..) okie.. back to where i stop... wild wild wet starts at 1pm anyway.. and we have to check out by 1030am.. (we almost over slept) we went to play Xbox at the xbox centre for an hour.. played games we never understood.. or rather i never understood like x-men la.. dunno wad fighting games la.. had fun though.. haha.. then went over to the arcade and play daytona.. and some stupid games la.. haha.. wanted to play initial d.. but.. too ex sia.. no $$ liao.. so.. no choice la.. and the best part is... when we are about to leave the chalet... i noticed a sign that states.. "bicycle kiosk" and points to my left.. i think its within 50 m. i freaked again.. that means that my long walk to pasir ris was uncalled for!! and dear's onli response was a weak smile.. hur hur.. that is the end of the chalet..... ****************************** realised i covered quite a bit already... the next 2 days were spend helping him pack his room, unpack his stuff.. and catching my little winks.. so tired from the few days of chalet.. that i kept taking naps over at his place.. haha... went to the dentist... good teeth in general.. but have to floss regularly.. but i dunno how to floss my molars! so difficult to reach them! argh... ******************************* urban infest... okie la.. it was on sat.. went there to see if i can help in any way.. and to have fun too.. =P played the flying fox and the rock wall.. for 2 bucks (nicole treated me to it though.. = ) dear was upset with me on that sat.. saying that he cant find anything to do.. and felt so lonely and out of place.. well.. though my sat was burned due to official duty, but i think it was good for him to get a feel of wad is it like to be away from me.. and its onli a day.. he felt so upset.. wad if its for 2 years? because internally i felt that he wasnt really prepared mentally for the trip, such that he hasnt feel the impact of the overseas assignment yet. like.. he still dunno how to fold his clothes.. dunno how to iron his clothes.. still depending on his mum to do it for him.. not that he is dependent on his mum like a spolit brat. i know he is not, just not mentally prepared for it.. it is also good for me too.. going home alone, without being able to call or msg him... thinking and trying to feel wad is it like when he's not around.. no one to boil soup for me when i am super hungry.. no one to bug me to have my meals.. how am i suppose to survive? well.. trying to tell myself to think positive.. trying to occupy my time to the fullest such that i will not sense his absence.. mas says that i am living my life to the fullest.. but i think i am just trying to cover my emptiness with activities... as i mentioned before in my previous blog.. no matter how busy i am, how happy i am, i will still feel the emptiness in me.. i just have to minimise that feeling... by packing myself to the brim.. like korean class.. driving lessons.. knitting.. kayaking courses... rock climbing.. or shopping and gers' nite out. just have to fill in the hours without dear... its not easy.. but i wll try... the last thing i want to happen is for dear to worry about me when he's overseas... i am trying to get him to think positive too.. asking him to enjoy himself.. no need to worry about things at home.. i will take care of his parents (his parents actually felt that the house will be so empty without him around.. his sis is always going out with friends, i will not be around as he's not around..think his parents also missing him.. so i shall try to accompany his parents more, bring them out for dinner.. or movie and such...) dun worry dear.. will take care of them for you... he just hve to take good care of himself.. work hard and prove his capability.. improve his mandarin.. and prove his worth when he's back.. to play hard as well.. so that he can play host to us when we go over.. the most important thing is for him to be safe.. for his work to be smooth.. for him to come back safe and sound.... that is all the things i prayed for at "thian fu gong" today.. he bought his laptop today.. though heartache because it is expensive.. but i think it is best.. as once he reach there, he will have a lap top with wireless connection, and can start seeing him over the net. rather then he get his lap top there.. i cant see him for at least 2 weeks because he needs time to adjust to the life there before going out to shop for things.. thanks dear.. though i know is ex.. but i think its worth it... well well.. is an extremely long entry... think have to stop here.. its late, i have to go and slp because tml is still a working day for him.. and dear is still at lau pat sat having supper with his friends... because he is still on leave tml! hmph!
